I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
