The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
