its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
