he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Mom said you looked used
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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