so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This baby is an asshole
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
