She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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