Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
