The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
