I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
