at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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