you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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