Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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