Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
