He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
