He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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