I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
