I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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