I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
