guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
