Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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