Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize