I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
