omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
where are you?
Hypothermia
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
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You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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