we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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