You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
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You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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