when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
