...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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