cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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