My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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