I'm sorry my penis didn't work
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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