I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Randomize
