i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
