It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
