He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
