We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
