I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
