yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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