So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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