pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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