After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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