NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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