OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
