Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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