Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
