I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
