i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
