miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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