Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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