i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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