Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
