So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
