Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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