yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
