There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
