I CAN MOONWALK!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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