my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
