i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
