end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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