I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
