Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
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was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
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I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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