just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
