i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
