Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
