So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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