I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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